Cue the Pomp and Circumstance.
Congrats to my fellow Teachers College Graduates!
It wasn’t long after Karl proposed that I was already planning our engagement pictures. I had a vision of us standing in the middle of the river in ‘regular’ clothing, as opposed to those stylish unflattering waders–perfect for my fly-fishing husband-to-be. At that point we didn’t know who our wedding photographer would be and I was so eager to send out our save-the-dates, I just couldn’t wait. We had planned to go fly-fishing on the Delaware River (close to where we got engaged) one day last August and I knew it would be the perfect time to snap a few (or maybe 500) pictures. With the help of a friend’s heavy-duty tri-pod, my dad’s camera, a remote and some vintage accessories we were able to get some good shots. I remember buying that catch card from one of my favorite stores in Chicago secretly thinking it would be perfect for our wedding. Karl borrowed the vintage fly-fishing basket from his shop and we grabbed the vintage throw from my mom’s stash. We picked some wildflowers and we were all set for our photo-shoot.
Overall, I was really happy with our pictures. We got some strange looks from other fly-fisherman and kayakers–which is probably because they couldn’t believe we were wading in the freezing cold water. It was definitely not easy focusing the shot before running back over slippery river rocks (that’s why so many of our pictures are not framed perfectly). But, we got just enough shots for our save-the-dates, which was our ultimate goal. It’s funny to think that these were all taken in the same day because the lighting changes so frequently on the river and in the mountains. I think that’s what I love best about our pictures. *Luckily, we have hired a professional for the wedding.
My family thinks I’m not good at making decisions. After hearing the banter at every dinner table and family function, I somehow started to believe it. I guess that’s part of the reason why I thought my one little word for 2013 should be choose. But the truth is, I know what I want. (Ok, ok…maybe sometimes I don’t). I get it. I see where they’re coming from. I know it might take me a little longer than most to pick out an outfit or a type of font that I like, but I just blame that on wanting things to look good, not that I’m indecisive.
The reality is, I have a hard time not thinking about all the consequences of my decisions. Karl calls it being neurotic. I call it being hyperaware. I weigh all my options, think of how my decision would affect so-and-so and sadly, I tend to put myself last, just because I may feel badly about something. It’s not because I think I don’t deserve to make decisions for myself. I just have always been the kind of person who puts others first. Sounds great, if you’re on the receiving end. But when you’re constantly putting others in front of your own needs, it’s exhausting. Especially when it affects your relationships. When I was little, my mom would always yell at me for saying “I’m sorry” too much. I would apologize for everything, whether it was my fault or not. And you know what? I still do that.
So, it’s now four months into the year with my one little word choose running through my mind and I’m slowly realizing what this word should mean to me. It’s not about making decisions. I can make them just fine. It’s about owning my decisions and thinking about what I want.
I don’t know if it’s the impending wedding, approaching the big 3-0 or if this one little word really is magical, but things are starting to feel different for me. So as I welcome the month of May, I am prepared to welcome whatever changes and decisions I will have to tackle. Thanks, choose. You’ve been good to me.
+ hoarding colorful yarn + 4 long subway rides to teachers college (loved this ad) + making progress on my first weaving project + fun with my new embosser + teaching nonfiction writing + a trip to brooklyn crab + testing ink on veneer for our wedding invites +
This was a busy week! On Monday I handed in my final thesis for grad school! It was such a great feeling to hand over that 70+ page paper. I was am very excited about the research I did in my classroom and I hope I can continue the work someday. It’s crazy to think about going back to school again, but it might be something I consider in the near future. But I’m not going to lie, it was such a good feeling to come home from school and have a little extra free time (I still have two classes). It makes me look forward to all the time I will have after I graduate in a month. I. Can’t. Wait.